pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I skipped work to stalk him.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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