escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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