Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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