Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
