She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize