i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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