My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
