arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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