you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
