I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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