she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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