Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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