do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize