wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
