Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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