The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
