i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
