On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
