Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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