it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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