Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
