there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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