i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
