I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
