I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The air taste purple.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
