I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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