I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he thought i was a dude.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
