i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
