the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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