It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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