I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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