Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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