This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize