Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
