Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
