i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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