She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
