I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
