ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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