"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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