honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
