I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
