When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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