Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
