Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
they're like a gay fantastic four
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
