FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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