Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
