Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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