it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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