I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Let's get the cat blown out
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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