If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
