508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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