I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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