This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Can Purell be used as lube?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
