I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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