Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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