i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
