can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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