Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
