You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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