I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
