I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
