i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Ladies don't puke and tell
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
