so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
its not stalking. its research.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
