I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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