i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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