my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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