We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
we should paint friendship bongs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
