If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
