look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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