oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
