We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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