when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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